25 Questions to Ask to Build Intimacy*

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*For those who prefer to keep it light and off topic and loved the 80s.

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Which of these theme songs makes you cry for reasons you can’t quite explain? But try to explain.

Welcome Back Kotter

The Greatest American Hero

Saint Elsewhere

Rescue 911

How scary was Unsolved Mysteries? (This is intended to be rhetorical but I won’t stop you if you want to expound)

Which of these was the biggest disappointment of your life?

Pogo Ball

Reebok Pumps

Eating a bouillon cube

Rank TGIF in order of most annoying main character. (And, yes, John Stossel is a valid answer)

Full House

Balky Bartokamous and Coosin Larry

Urkel

20/20

How much did you love your Underoos? So much that you might have worn them over your clothes on occasion? Hmmmm? I love that.

Scariest HBO movie you knew you shouldn’t have been watching ? “This movie is Rated PG – parental guidance suggested!” Yes please!

Poltergeist

Kujo

Watership Down

Best Book Series-

Babysitter’s Club

Flowers in the Attic

Which scared you more?

Dianetics! By L. Ron. Hubbard!

or, Diabeetus! with Wilford Brimley

Long shot here, but does the sentence “I’m waaaaaiting…in the front clossset?” mean anything to you? I didn’t think so.

Who’s your favorite alien?

ET, Alf, or Mork?

Preferred Manny (for you, not your kids)

Charles in Charge

Tony Macelli

Mr. Belvedere

Hollywood Squares – who wore it better?

Jim J. Bullock or Bruce Vlanch?

Who would you least want anywhere near your mom?

Richard Dawson

Larry from Three’s Company

John Laroquette

Tell me about your first Trapper Keeper.

What was your favorite part about Price is Right?

Plinko

The Showcase Showdown

Bob Barker’s microphone

Not being in school

And to wrap things up, have you seen Handi-Snaks in any stores? Those buttery, hydrogenated oily crackers with the rubber cheese and red stick spreader-ma-bob? Asking for a friend.

All right, enough.

I don’t want to scare you off so I’ll give you some space. There are spaces down there right? I hope you comment but if you don’t, no big whoop. I’ll move on.

(Psyche!)

Momentum

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I’m gonna keep this short because who has time to read?

Today I found two lunchboxes in our hall closet. They were heavy. School has not been a thing around here for six weeks. It’s July in North Carolina.

So. Many. Maggots.

And I barely gagged.

Damn I’m a mom.

Blogger? I Barely Know Her!

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I can’t believe I’m 40 and a half and haven’t blogged a damn thing. Inexcusable.

I have kids and no job and have been paying for this domain name (which I have no idea where I was going with) for two years. It’s time. I just finished unpacking the last boxes from our move we also started two years ago. The kids’ attention spans have dramatically expanded since introducing them to screens and they’re far less demanding since they found Cheez-its.

Cheez-its Saves!

Life has been good since I lowered my standards and snacks to an accessible level.

I know this looks more like a Tweet than a blog but despite my lowered expectations for life in general I maintain my dignity and refuse to be associated in any way with our twittering prez. I hate that he’s brought me to the level of bastardizing words I used to be proud to write. I blame him for lowering my standards, for lowering our country’s standards, but it is what it is. I might as well make orange juice if we have an orange POtuS. I’m slapping up this half-assed blog against my better judgement. The timing seems right.

Also, fuck it. I’m opening a Twitter account.